The Devil Made Him Do It: Catholic Priest Performs Self-Exorcism After Selling Tron (TRX)
It was just another day at work for Father Wells. Having started early, this faithful priest of the Catholic church spent his morning coordinating a well received breakfast for the growing homeless population around southwest Portland, Oregon. An active trader of cryptocurrencies, Father Wells had recently given his blessing to parishioners engaging in the practice, and had even recommended Tron (TRX) to the believers who attended his sermons.
Father Wells was a sensible investor, and believed in hodling a small number of altcoins to diversify his Bitcoin (BTC) position. As his investments sank with the coin market, however, the steadfast sensibility the priest was known for began to break down. Shortly after breakfast concluded, Father Wells would begin to feel the first of a series of troubling symptoms that would ultimately challenge his faith, not just in God, but in the entire coin market.
Shaking off what he rightly attributed to FUD, Father Wells made his way across town to help the children of a neighboring borough with a simple fundraising event. Supervising a makeshift booth outside the local grocery store, Father Wells helped answer questions about the goals of the church to interested purchasers of the children’s baked goods.
Unfortunately, Father Wells began to grow impatient with the simple questions asked by the public. First his smile left him. Then he started showing visible signs of irritation. Before it was over, he was escorted from the premises by the store’s private security officers.
“He scared me,” said Mandy, the oldest of three children assigned to the church sponsored booth, “he scared all of us. I don’t know what got into him. I just hope he feels better soon.”
But Father Wells wasn’t feeling better. He skipped the afternoon prayer and headed straight home.
“All I could think about was selling my Tron (TRX),” said Father Wells when asked about the troubling event, “I mean, Christ, it had fallen so far.”
The priest’s hands shook as he spoke.
Tron (TRX) was sitting at $US .03, having fallen from a high near $US .30 just weeks ago. The wave of developers joining the team and the constant status updates given by Justin Sun, the founder of Tron (TRX), were not enough to hold back the inevitable sell-off of this relatively new cryptocurrency.
“I was scared. I grabbed my phone and I traded it all. Just like that,” quipped the priest.
But Tron (TRX) wasn’t all that was sold on the altcoin exchange that fateful afternoon. By relinquishing his entire holding, Father Wells had unwittingly sold his very soul. And the buyer of this newly acquired digital asset was none other than the Devil himself.
“It was in the agreement when I signed up,” Father Wells remarked, “I knew I should have read the fine print.”
Immediately Father Wells’ skin began to burn. His face turned flush and his eyes rolled back in his head. Before long, he had blacked out, falling into a series of seizure like fits, writhing on the kitchen floor of his upstairs apartment.
His neighbors called the police when they heard the commotion. But even they couldn’t help Father Wells now.
The reports filed by officers Kinney and Jean claim they arrived at the scene shortly after 4pm on Monday afternoon. Having heard what they describe as “sounds of distress” the officers tried to enter the property of the possessed priest, only to find the doorway to the apartment completely impenetrable. Officer Kinney suffered third degree burns on his hands from grabbing the doorknob, which had been inexplicably heated to hundreds of degrees. Officer Jean tried kicking in the door, only to be flung back with a force much greater than he had delivered. Both officers received minor medical treatment and are expected to recover from their injuries.
Inside the apartment, the stricken priest had all but given up. Nearly allowing his soul to be torn from his chest by the strong-arm of Satan, the choir monk regained consciousness when an obscure teaching from his early priesthood came to him in a dream. Knowing it was the only way to save himself, Father Wells engaged in the controversial and highly risky practice known as self-exorcism.
While the details of this story are too gruesome to expand on here, you should be happy to know that Father Wells pulled through.
“Technically, it wasn’t really me who made the trade,” said Father Wells, who remains unable to take personal responsibility for his recent actions, “so I’m going through the process laid out on the exchange website for reporting fraudulent activity. I hope they give me back my Tron (TRX).”
I hope so too, Father Wells. Be safe out there. And happy trading everyone.
Micah C. Miracle – Follow me on Steemit for more!